This loss is definitely different than the last one.
I still at times struggle with what to feel or how to cope...but it's like a small under current that is there just always wooshing past you threatening to pull you in. With Kaitlin I know I threw myself in more than once...just to resurface and feel it all over again...the numbness the current provides can be a small blessing on those hard to get through days. I wonder how things would be different right now if things had been different. For one last weekend I would have been shopping for (or not going and having mom shop for) the clothes for the sex of the babe...since I would have been 20 weeks...so we would have probably known. Instead I dealt with my period coming which meant no pregnancy this month...having to move on to another month. And then you wonder how long will it take again, will it ever happen again....etc. With Kaitlin I had a baby...so I felt hopeful. With this loss I didn't get that so much. And after what seemed like forever in trying I just feel like the hope is washing away little by little in that under current. Even stone breaks down over time :\
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